Earlier today I was sat with the kids looking through photos on the laptop trying to pick out some photos I could get printed at some point to put up around the house. So far I’ve been a very bad mummy and even though Alexa will be 2 this week there’s only one photo up of her compared to a fair few more of Scott …oops…it’s not that I love her any less, it’s just simply an unfortunate case of me being lazy and then too poor to get decent prints made up or buy decent frames.
Anyways …we came across some photos of their dad with the two of them on his lap in the few weeks after Alex was born and he bothered to visit. Scott then asked who it was. Previously if I’d have said ‘Darren’ he would immediately have known it was his dad as he’d taken to referring to him as Darren all by himself. Today I told him the man was Darren and asked if he knew who it was now. He didn’t. He’s decided it must just be Mummy’s friend who I don’t talk to anymore.
Over the last few months whenever anyone has mentioned dads he’s told them that his daddy died and is now a star in the sky (clearly getting confused with my dad) and although I’ve corrected him by telling him that no that was your granddad, he still persists in telling anyone that will listen that he and Alexa don’t have a daddy because he got sick.
Next week, on the anniversary of my dad’s death, it will be a whole year since they saw their dad (and mine obviously) …they know who my dad is in photos yet have no recognition of theirs.
Now, at just after 3am, I’m sat up wide awake wondering how long it takes to forget someone. They’ve forgotten their ‘dad’ but how long would it take for them to forget me?
Has it just been easy for them to forget him because even before he last saw them he’d seen them a handful of times since being absent for 8 months (plus all the time he was absent before the handful of visits then)? (I say them but I clearly mean Scott, Alexa really wouldn’t have a clue about who he is sadly) Or is it just easy to forget as they’re young?
If I died tomorrow, would it even make an impact in their lives past the first few months of not seeing me? How long would it take for the two of them to just move on and forget about me? I remember the devastation that Scott went through realising my dad was never coming back but after a while they’d forget, wouldn’t they. Their needs can be met by my sister who they love with all their little hearts so do they even need me? After a year or even two would they even remember who I am?
I know it’s a stupid thing to sit here worrying about but it breaks my heart thinking about these gorgeous little people not knowing who I am….hopefully it won’t have to be an issue and they’ll get the (mis)fortune of having me in their lives annoying the crap out of them for a long time yet!